Yet another way that I am crazy

I think I've made it fairly clear throughout my various stories here that I'm not what you'd call a "normal" person, and so maybe one more example of that doesn't really count as TMI for you all, but nonetheless, here it is. I talk to animals. And sometimes (often) they talk back to me.

I was a big fan of Dr. Doolittle when I was a kid, so this isn't new or anything:

That's me with my dog Inky in about 1985, and obviously I'm explaining something very important and complicated, hence the hand gestures.

Throughout high school and college and into adulthood, I did what I imagine many if not most pet owners do, which is say things like "Oh, you like that? Yeah, you really like when I scratch you right there! Mushgtyegithey!!" and "I'm just going to the kitchen, I'll be right back, you just stay sleeping right there like you are, boogieghtieiebum!" That's all fine and good.

Then, this happened:

I mean the dog there, not the kitten. Though it's worth noting that the kitten is now three times the size that dog ever was.

Anyway, that dog was special. She had expressive eyes. You'd talk to her, and damned if she didn't basically talk back. I'd be like "What's up, frog monkey?" And she'd be like "Get me some delicious chicken! Please and thank you." And, yes, maybe she'd say that in a voice that sounded a lot like my own voice, but really really high pitched. And maybe sometimes she said it in a really really high pitched version of Houseboy's voice. And maybe sometimes these conversations would go on for, oh say, awhile. And maybe the cats decided they were being left out and they also made us channel them and then even there were conversations between the pets that we weren't involved in.

Which really is all fine and good and a private matter, which no one needs to know about except that sometimes I forget that I'm crazy and that the things I do aren't normal, and so I start talking about them at the lunch table at work while Hedgehog is there and she thinks I'm funny and so when our boss's boss walks by she's all "Hey! Department Head Lady! Antelope has a funny story for you! Antelope, do the voice! Do the voice!" And so I have to do the high pitched voice my dog talks in for a person who has regular meetings with the guy who plays basketball with Obama.

So, yes. I still worked there for a couple more years, but then AFTER that I totally resigned in embarrassment.


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http://irregulargiggling.blogspot.com

Everyone loves a good poop story

So, here we go, my second ever attempt at grossing you out with Too Much Information, and it's inspired by our very fast approaching trip to Chicago. See, the thing is that we have cats. And the thing about our cats is that they were raised by dog lovers, who don't know about how to just ignore the cats and occasionally see if they want food or whatever, and instead gave them all kinds of overbearing attention and as a result gave them cat schizophrenia and made them more needy than most dogs.

And speaking of dogs, we used to have the absolute most amazing scruffy trash dog that ever lived and deserved all of our overbearing attention because she was 10 years old when we found her on the street covered in feces and skunk and with mats that extended over her eyes and down to the ground and when we got her shaved all she wanted in the world was to lie on my lap and NOT get antiseptic in her wounds.

Anyway, needless to say she was loved by all, including the cats. And when after four years of toothless happiness she passed away at the approximate age of 703, the cats were not happy. Of course, I didn't notice or care too much because I was not happy, and that's what matters. At least that's what mattered until a few weeks later I went to clean out the running closet and found every single pair of running shoes filled with urine and poop. Since the dog had not been the most well house trained adorable mutt ever, I started to cry because I thought I was cleaning up the last remaining evidence and I kind of wanted to put the poop in a scrapbook or something.

Until then a few months after that I went to move the ottoman in front of the chair we never use, and found that that was ALSO soaked in urine and covered in poop. Which, let me tell you, does great things for your wood floor. That's when we realized that our schizophrenic cats had decided to take out their grief on any dark corner of the apartment they could find, and ever since then if we leave them alone for more than two days, they find some new and awesome place to hide poop, like in a blanket on the couch so that when I lay down to watch tv I pull up over me an entire covering of cat turds.

So, here's hoping they've adjusted to Nashville and spend this weekend watching the neighbor cat out the back window and not pooping in some closet we forgot we had.

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http://irregulargiggling.blogspot.com

The iPod on Random Game

So, here's what you do.  Put your iPod (or other music player, or computer or pile of records or whatever) on random and write about the first five songs you hear.  Here are mine:

1.  "The Times They Are A-Changin'" by Simon & Garfunkel

This is not one of my favorite Simon & Garfunkel songs, but it does remind me of the record player at my parents' house.  My mom would usually play Simon and Garfunkel or Carol King while we were cleaning and it made it more fun.  She'd put on the record and move the furniture while my sister or I ran the dust mop around the room.  When I was old enough, she let me put the records on and listen to them with the giant headphones--the kind that sort of suction to your ears, especially when you are 10 years old and have a tiny head.

2.  "Trunk" by Kings of Leon

Damn, I love this song.  It’s dark and creepy and makes you want to put every line as your Facebook status.  "I goooooooooooooot... One miiiiiiiiiiiiiiile to go.  On down the rooooooooad.  On down the road."  This is one of those bands that I stumbled on completely by accident, and they have quickly become iPod regulars.  Our dog, Flower, used to perk up every time they came on because she loved the jangly guitars.

3. "D'yer Mak'er" by Led Zeppelin

The first thing I think of when I hear this song now is the reference in a Hold Steady song: "They used to think it was so cute when she said 'Dire Maker.' All the boys knew it was a joke about Jamaica."  In addition to being one of their more pop-y songs, this one is unusual in its total lack of science fiction references.  I love Led Zeppelin because even when they talk about The Lord of the Rings or do a reggae song, they rock.

4. "Thank You Friends" by Big Star

This IS random.  Big Star was added by Houseboy awhile back, and I have barely listened to it, so this is like the first time.  I always find the sort of punk-English accent kind of funny, particularly when used in non-punk songs.  This is pretty though, and I should listen to it more.

5. "Tie My Hands" by Lil Wayne and Robin Thicke

Funny, Houseboy just played this for me yesterday.  Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's (of "Growing Pains" fame) son.  He has a very pretty voice.  I remember he came out with an album a year or more ago and it seemed kind of cheesy, but his voice almost made it worth it.  This one is a pretty standard R&B / rap collaboration on first listen, but Thicke's voice makes it more interesting, and once you listen closely to the lyrics you realize it's pretty dark.  "I work at the corner store.  We all got problems, problems.  No one's gonna fly down low.  No one's gonna save us now."  

"My whole city underwater, some people still floatin' 

And they wonder why black people still voting. 

'Cause your president still choking. 

Take away the football team, the basketball team, 

And all we got is me to represent New Orleans, shit."

Shit, indeed Lil Wayne.  Because this song is awesome, but you are crazy as a mofo.  

...

Flower

It's kind of grainy... not as nice as I'd have hoped. But here she is:

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-530589295668604392&hl=en

"Taper Jean Girl" was her favorite song.