Thursday, October 22, 2009

Yet another way that I am crazy

TMI Thursday

I think I've made it fairly clear throughout my various stories here that I'm not what you'd call a "normal" person, and so maybe one more example of that doesn't really count as TMI for you all, but nonetheless, here it is. I talk to animals. And sometimes (often) they talk back to me.

I was a big fan of Dr. Doolittle when I was a kid, so this isn't new or anything:

That's me with my dog Inky in about 1985, and obviously I'm explaining something very important and complicated, hence the hand gestures.

Throughout high school and college and into adulthood, I did what I imagine many if not most pet owners do, which is say things like "Oh, you like that? Yeah, you really like when I scratch you right there! Mushgtyegithey!!" and "I'm just going to the kitchen, I'll be right back, you just stay sleeping right there like you are, boogieghtieiebum!" That's all fine and good.

Then, this happened:

I mean the dog there, not the kitten. Though it's worth noting that the kitten is now three times the size that dog ever was.

Anyway, that dog was special. She had expressive eyes. You'd talk to her, and damned if she didn't basically talk back. I'd be like "What's up, frog monkey?" And she'd be like "Get me some delicious chicken! Please and thank you." And, yes, maybe she'd say that in a voice that sounded a lot like my own voice, but really really high pitched. And maybe sometimes she said it in a really really high pitched version of Houseboy's voice. And maybe sometimes these conversations would go on for, oh say, awhile. And maybe the cats decided they were being left out and they also made us channel them and then even there were conversations between the pets that we weren't involved in.

Which really is all fine and good and a private matter, which no one needs to know about except that sometimes I forget that I'm crazy and that the things I do aren't normal, and so I start talking about them at the lunch table at work while Hedgehog is there and she thinks I'm funny and so when our boss's boss walks by she's all "Hey! Department Head Lady! Antelope has a funny story for you! Antelope, do the voice! Do the voice!" And so I have to do the high pitched voice my dog talks in for a person who has regular meetings with the guy who plays basketball with Obama.

So, yes. I still worked there for a couple more years, but then AFTER that I totally resigned in embarrassment.



  1. Ahahahaha! So embarrassing... yet AWESOME.

  2. This is genius.

    I totally talked to my dog that way, but mostly she only talked back in my head and I didn't tell anyone until now.

  3. I love it! Is that a toy poodle?

    My friends and just got into a very detailed discussion about what our dog's voices would sound like.. I always use smoker New Jersey accent for mine!

  4. Awesome! I forgot I sold you out.

    This was before I knew that you can share all kinds of shit about yourself to the internets but you don't want anyone in real life to know the slightest thing about you, including channeling your dogs, unless they are one of five people. How was I supposed to know?!

  5. LiLu: Thanks! Glad to amuse...

    Shine: I definitely recommend trying it out loud. It will deepen your relationships with animals and isolate you from humans, which is something we're all looking for.

    jaded: Both are mutts, but probably with strong toy poodle and terrier blood. They were both found under cars, covered in matts, nearly 25 years apart. I think I'm being followed...

    Saturday: I suppose you're saying that's MY fault for not telling you I was admitting you to a special club. I need more rigorous membership guidelines.