Thursday, October 29, 2009

I need a companion monkey

TMI Thursday

Very soon I'm going to run out of embarrassing stories that I'm actually willing to tell to the internets, but until then, enjoy. And go to LiLu's blog and read all the ones that are better than mine. Assuming you haven't eaten lunch yet, that is.

So, this little story also takes place a few years back when we lived in Chicago and I had a real job and a condo and a dog and a car and a kid (where did I leave that kid? Oops...) and before the market went all crashy and people were buying up condos in rehabbed buildings all over Hyde Park and then walking their dogs around and talking to one another about how awesome it was being homeowners and how the renters were bringing our resale prices down and they didn't know that they were going to really hope those renters were around in a couple of years and wanted to pay way too much for a place because it has marble countertops, because it's a well-known fact that renters care about marble.

Anyway, we had these neighbors who lived in the building next door and turned condo right after ours and they had these little matching pugs that they walked around and they wanted to talk to us all the time about things like how awesome gentrification is because they were unpleasant and it was made worse because their fat little dogs were unpleasant too, and they liked to dig their noses really deeply inside my dog's butt, and she was a dog and all so she got the whole sniffing thing, but even she thought these dogs were a little touchy feely, and it turns out she was right because they gave her the fleas.

Now, maybe you don't have pets, but the fleas are the worst. The tiny little dog with kind of matted hair is one thing. You throw her in a tub with medicated shampoo and she shivers and looks pathetic and maybe eats some of the lather so you have to make up a song called "Don't eat the soap" that you sing to her every time you bathe her which will be about 10 more times over the next week, because the other thing is that the bugs lay eggs in your carpet and then hatch and then jump onto your cats, and the Neurotic Cat who was declawed before you got him is just sad and pathetic when all wet, but the Fat Cat who is still very very sharp causes infected wounds all over as he tries to claw his way up your face to safety.

And then you buy that spray for your carpet and wash everything you own, and coat yourself in Neosporin and head to work because all that stuff costs money and the pets still aren't contributing in any way besides bitchery, and you get to work and take off your coat and sit down in your cubicle and maybe reach up to scratch the back of your neck and find a flea in your hair.

And this might have been back when I had long luxurious hippie hair, not the sweet punk rock look I'm sporting now. So I might have had to send an e-mail to my boss claiming to not feel well because I had to go home and soak myself and everything I owned in bleach.



  1. I think you should vlog yourself singing the "Don't eat the soap" song...

    Now that's TMI.

    Thanks for playing! ;-)

  2. I had a really bad flea infestation a few years ago that I haven't quite gotten over.. I can totally understand your fear. Fleas are nast-y.

  3. LiLu: Hmm, see this is why I will be a short term player in this game, because that just ain't gonna happen.

    jaded: As I was writing it, my scalp started to crawl. I don't think you ever really get over that.