Thursday, October 8, 2009

The Apocalypse

On my walk home from class tonight as I was on the pedestrian bridge minding my own business and not listening to my iPod because I have an iPod from 1983 whose batteries as a result don't last that long anymore but anyway that's important because I hear something over the loudspeakers. "Loudspeakers?" you say, "I thought you were on a pedestrian bridge, shouldn't that be outdoors?" Well, I would respond, yes, I was outdoors, which is why this is a story worth telling and not just a story about the time I was at the airport and the voice in the air started talking to me about bag security and it really rocked my world. Anyway, the loudspeakers. They're coming from possibly the nearby high school, possibly the parking garage, possibly nowhere in particular, and I can't make out what they're saying, but it sounds like a series of commands being barked in an Eastern European language and asking me to stand up straight and resist the infidels. Yes, Eastern Europeans care about the infidels too, don't be so racist.

So, that was the first sign, and knowing me as you do, you probably know that I instantly questioned not just what was going on, but the very history of the world as I know it and my place in it and my high school history class that distinctly informed me that the reality I'm living in is not ruled by a global collective headed by a fascist dictator. But you know high school education these days. Badoom ching.

As I walked away and the loudspeaker faded in the background I stopped worrying about the state of reality and started wondering if there would be bok choy in the stir fry Houseboy's making tonight, because I love writing "bok choy" and of course I was going to blog about it*. But then I got within two blocks of our house and all of a sudden there was a massive freak out by the cicadas who seemed to be mobilizing for a takeover of their own, and then I came around the corner and saw the weird fenced-in area with the tanks and the pipes and all that weird stuff, and it's being weirder than usual and spitting steam out from every different direction and making a squealing noise, and just as that reaches its highest pitch, car alarms all around the block start going off.

I'm just warning you all. The revolution has begun and your city is next.

* The answer is yes, there is bok choy. Whee!


  1. iPod from 1983


    Do these things really happen or have you gone off your meds? Do you know the difference between your hallucinations and reality?

  2. Hey, just because you weren't even born yet doesn't mean us hip kids didn't have iPods of our own in the 80s.

    And what connection do my meds have with reality anyway? I don't need those to know what's really going on around here.