Friday, May 11, 2007

Sponsor Me!

So, I've come up with a list of things I'd like to be able to do, and I'm relying on you, my WIDE and VAST and AFFLUENT readership, to sponsor me. Probably I'll set up a paypal account or something. Or just mail me cash, and write on the bills in sharpie which item you're sponsoring.

Item 1: Run a Triathlon. I need help here in buying equipment, making me get up to run in the morning, and mostly pushing people out of my way in the water so I don't get scratched or drownded. Possibly I would accept you constructing some sort of plastic bubble for me to float along in. Though ideally that would be for the running part so I wouldn't have to work too hard.

Item 2: Live in Spain as a fishmonger. This is a well-known dream of mine, but so far no one has volunteered to pay my airfare or to teach me the monger. I could also use people speaking Spanish at me in that weird accent they have with the "ths" and "shs" and all.

Item 3: Be 5'6". This involves a baseball bat, a weird metal instrument and absolutely no squeamishness, from what I understand. Or, you could fly me to Mexico where they'll pretty much do whatever surgery you ask them to.

Item 4: Become a world-famous juggler. As I am currently a regionally-famous clutz, this might actually involve impersonating me in performances and then allowing me to bask in the glow of fame and riches that will surely follow.

Ok, that's it. Let the money and favors roll in.

1 comment:

  1. I could possibly lend you 50 cents for the triathalon and I could hable espanol hasta tu aprendelo...pero yo solo entiendo un poquitito espanol. Comprende? I think the height thing is frankly a little strange because you are perfect as you are. Any way three cheers to all your goals...may achieve them quickly and as painlessly as possible.