Friday, October 31, 2008

Hypothesis: Interest in my life has plummeted

By you all, that is. Not by me. I'm not suicidal or anything. Though I am also rather disinterested in the tawdry daily toils of an office drone, so I suppose I can't blame you. As incentive to find me entertaining, here are five things I did today that may change the history of the world.

1) I wore a "Halloween Costume" that consists of my Eddie Guardado jersey, Twins hat, and Houseboy's baseball spikes. This makes bathroom trips an adventure in metal sliding around on tile.

2) I forgot to take my migraine prevention medication this morning, and my neck keeps cracking. Possibly unrelated.

3) I led a hostile takeover of Denmark under the rallying cry of "Hamlet for Benevolent Dictator," because I fell asleep to the Kenneth Branaugh version of the play last night and it invaded my dreams.

4) I bought the majority interest in the American Dollar, and I'm now using my control over this stock to make Argo Tea drinks cost less.

5) I changed my coworker's auto-correct option in Word so that when she types "the" it will come out "robrules." This accomplishes the dual task of a) annoying/confusing her and b) blaming an intern, which may result in his disembowelment.

Your guess is as good as mine as to which of these items will have the largest effect on our world today.

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