Friday, February 26, 2010

Why we don't have neighbors

So, recently our next door neighbors moved out and an annex to the clinic next door moved in, which is good for us because sometimes I have loud "night time activities," and get your mind out of the gutter, because you know I mean yelling about spiders invading my brain. Obviously, I've mentioned before that sometimes giant spiders of various leg-to-body ratios come crawling down our walls or through our windows or out from under my pillow, and sometimes I have to inform Houseboy about this in the calmest of voices and then usually I have to take care of it myself because he doesn't believe me and so he has this whole thing where he claims I'm dreaming and then I have to logically explain about how I'm not dreaming this time, even though I know that last time I was dreaming, but this time it's for real I promise, get the emergency kit.

Anyway, apparently I really do talk very calmly and without emotion during this time, which made last night where I started yelling "DO YOU SEE THAT?? HOUSEBOY!!! DO YOU SEE IT??" maybe even more disturbing, because really if tarantulas the size of Marmaduke don't make me scream, then what will? And I can tell you that I don't remember what caused it, but what was happening is that there was a big metal hook hanging from the ceiling and a string was stretched from the ceiling to the floor, and there was a viscous liquid dripping down the string, and this was upsetting because I didn't remember setting that up before bed, and also when Houseboy wouldn't tell me for sure if he saw it or not, I realized that what he wanted was for me to touch it, and I was pretty sure it was on fire, and everyone knows that grabbing a string that is on fire is just not a good idea, so I thought that he was being more than a little unreasonable. Nonetheless, I am nothing if not brave and willing to put my life on the line so that other people won't have to totally wake up at 3 a.m. and deal with the fact that David Lynch now lives with us and has an odd sense of humor, so I reached out to touch it and it kept getting farther away until I was in the bathroom and realized I had to pee, so I did and then went back to bed and we shall never speak of it again.