Friday, November 20, 2009

Earwigs are the final straw, people

This morning, I went to the bathroom (I know, right? Fascinating) and saw a little squirmy bug on the floor. So I came out and did what anyone would do, I told my husband I saw an unidentified crawling object in the corner, and he asked me what I did about it, and I told him I left it there because it was crawling around in circles in the corner and didn't come near me. So, he went into the bathroom, rustled around for a little bit, came back out and informed me that it was an earwig, and we kill earwigs because if they want to harm us, it's self defense, so man up next time. I promised to do so, since just the word "earwig" makes me itch deep down into my brain.


But what this reminds me is that the south SUCKS because there should not be any cold-blooded animals still wandering about looking for ears to live in at this point, and for crying out loud WHEN CAN I UNPACK MY SWEATERS? And also, pop is not any stupider a word than soda or certainly than calling everything, no matter it's brand or flavor "Coke," and also, what's so funny about referring to the East coast as "out East"? And finally, I do not talk too fast, you need to listen faster, people*.

* Copyright 2009, Hedgehog


  1. First of all, earwigs- ew!

    Moving on, I live in Florida and I totally agree with you on a couple of those and am guilty of others- I do call everything coke. I think Southerners talk way.too.slow. Spit it out, people! My husband and his mom do this and it annoys me to no end. Andd... I am also ready to break out the sweaters and boots.

  2. I was totally willing to put up with whatever people wanted to call carbonated drinks. It's just when they start calling ME crazy that I get touchy about it.

    But I'm glad I have a Floridian on my side about this weather. I don't think I could survive down there.

  3. AHHH! Earwigs creep me out so much!

    Two very important things happened during my formative years to fuck me up about earwigs.

    1. I watched "Star Trek: The Motion Picture," and saw the squirmy nasty bug like creature climb in some guy's ear. That is what I imagine earwigs will do. See here:

    2. We had a sandbox in our backyard that the earwigs would take over! So when we wanted to play in it, we had to pick up our trucks and other toys and launch them across the yard so all the earwigs would fall out and then we would use the hose to flood the sandbox. (To this day I can only play with wet sand, never dry sand. It really interferes with my life!)

    Yuck, yuck, yuck! Get those fuckers out of your apartment!

    Thanks for the copyright credit. I totally would've sued your ass.

    My ear hurts now.

  4. more earwig talk. Ugh.

    And you're right on all fronts and I'm FROM Tennessee. It's only been below 70 for like two days down here in Texas, so I feel you. But it's never going to get as cold as you want it to be and winter is not a pretty thing of snow and lovely. It's gross and wet and there's slush everywhere. And it's slippery. Trust me, embrace this fall thing as long as you can. Spring is just around the corner!