Friday, February 20, 2009

Open Letter to to the Jackholes

To the Jackholes that keep stealing my Netflix movies:
You have recently acquired such gems as "Buffy the Vampire Slayer: Season 3, Disc 3" and "Boxing Helena." I cannot imagine what possible benefit you are getting out of this. My movie taste is not going to improve, so you're not going to suddenly hit pay dirt. The only thing this is accomplishing is getting my Netflix account put on hold and seriously pissing me off. Stop it.

To the Jackholes that drive the #2 Bus:
I understand that your turnaround at Navy Pier must be terribly tempting. I get that all those kiosks and stores must just call to you... the DoDads-O-Rama and that store that sells the windup helicopters, not to mention the Chicago sweatshirts that I'm sure you can't get anywhere else. I also understand that socializing with other drivers of the #2 route must hold you up. Of course you're supposed to be spaced out by about 10 minutes, but we riders really don't blame you for getting distracted and making us wait in the cold for half an hour, and then finding out when we get off that there were three more buses behind the one we boarded. This is not a problem.

To the Jackholes who order food for free lunches in my office:
Vegetarians. They are people who do not eat meat. Yes, this includes turkey and chicken. Even though you think that those are "light" foods and you've covered all your bases, you have not. It makes us sad when we have to go downstairs and buy a granola bar from the 7-11 because we don't have enough time for lunch because we were told there would be food at the meeting. You don't want sad vegetarians in your office because that is double the sadness.


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