Monday, June 8, 2009

I am going to hell

Can I bitch for just a minute about Church Folk?  Don't get me wrong, they're great Folk.  Some of the greatest Folk, in fact.  At least My Church Folk are.  They make a good brownie and they've even improved their coffee-making since they got into the whole Fair Trade thing.  They're very warm and cuddly and want to make sure everyone's included all the damn time, which gets on my nerves in ways I won't go into right now.  

The issue is their children.  Their children are Very Special.  They need a lot of Attention.  They think a great deal about the Education of their children, and convene committees on how to make sure even their Jesucation is as high quality as all their other enriching activities.  I volunteer to take part in this Jesucation because I grew up in a tiny town with a tinier church community, where if the priest's daughter didn't do it, didn't nobody do it, and besides which they were just happy that a teenager would help out, so happy in fact that they gave me Christmas presents and end-of-the-year presents and I made out pretty well for a 16 year old.  

Anyway, I feel guilty if I don't volunteer for things because I sympathize with the plight of the working priest, not to mention I like kids.  Other people's kids, not my own, because every time I see my own there's this whole uncomfortable situation where I have to pretend I don't know them, and they have to pretend they don't remember me pinning their names to their shirts and leaving them at the YMCA.

Right.  So, I've volunteered to Jesucate the Children for about four years now at this very inclusive and educated and intelligent congregation, and I'm about to leave to Jesucate the folks of the South, and they have on the schedule "Celebration" during the "Children's Formation Hour" for Sunday, and I figure I'm getting some kind of plaque with my head in bronze on it or something, but instead they ask me to "pick my favorite lesson to teach" and at the end I'll get a cupcake.

I love me some cupcakes.

But that ain't no celebration.



  1. Might you teach them about this?

    Probably then you wouldn't get your cupcake.

  2. Dude, youtube is blocked at my work, but I am really looking forward to watching this when I get home.

    Yes, I just called you "dude."

  3. Dude is no longer gender-specific. It's the new "Hey you."