Tuesday, June 2, 2009

I'm a crazy magnet

I mean I attract crazies.  Not that I am a material or object that creates a magnetic field and doesn't fit social norms of behavior.  Though I'm that too.

So, this morning I had to run for the bus, but I got to the stop just a little before it, and there was a dude there also waiting, and because I look a little like a panting Elmo doll when I run, I sort of smiled at the guy like "Hey there, I know I look funny, but you know how it is... with the bus and all... " (I can communicate a lot in a smile).  Anyway, guy looks right at me and goes "GET.  AWAY.  FROM.  ME!"  and starts backing away from the bus stop murmuring swear words.  So I'm all "Sorry!" and another smile that's like "Hey, it's ok that you're insane, just please don't get on this bus with me because I like to just read and listen to music on the way to work, not get knifed." Anyway, he may have intended to take that bus, but he had completely backed down the block by then, so he missed it.

Then, I get off in downtown, and this woman is stopped in the middle of State street staring down a bus.  The light turns, the bus driver honks politely, and she just stands there.  Staring.  He honks politely again.  She stares some more.  The light turns again, and she finally decides to walk.

All this reminds me of when I was in 6th grade and we had a field trip to the Como Park Conservatory, and there was this woman standing on the steps in a wedding dress, and me and my friend decided to make fun of her, because we were brilliant twelve year old assholes like that.  So we're joking about how maybe her husband left her at the altar (I know, I mentioned that we're assholes), and we're walking in the door, and she comes flying up the steps, grabs me by my face and hisses "Little girls shouldn't have SUCH BIG MOUTHS!" and then lets me go.  

I suppose that one I deserved a little bit.


1 comment:

  1. Okay. Several things. This? Is awesome.

    I am laughing so hard, it's an ab workout.

    Also, I think if we ever were to occupy the same geographical location, the world might implode. Because I, too, attract crazies. Like this guy. And this guy. Well, and his mom. And this tree.

    Okay, that the tree wasn't actually crazy. Much. And it did ask for my number.