The All-Asshole Brigade

This morning I had to wait through three rounds of elevators before I could get on because everyone in the universe is insane.  There were about 20 people waiting for the first elevator, but I would have gotten on if it weren't for the most unchivalrous man in history, who came running in past security and shoved his way into the elevator in front of me.  Then, the second one was taking a long time, so I took two steps to my left to mail my Netflix, and this tiny old lady shoved in front of me and proceeded to mail about 15 letters, examining each one before dropping it in the slot like this:

Hold letter up to the light.

Turn the letter around to make sure it has a stamp.

Hold it up to the light again. 

Sniff it just in case.

Guide it into the slot with both hands.

Watch it drop.

Stand there staring at the slot for a full minute.

Repeat with the next letter.

While I was waiting behind her, two elevators came and went, because for the first time in the history of my tenure here, the doors opened and closed in less than twenty minutes.  

Also, I slept really poorly last night because we rearranged our apartment for showing it, and my chi is all garbled or something.

....

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