Scenario I: Clive Barker writes "Candyman."
Barker: Hmm. Candyman. A man of candy... A Candyman. Candyman candyman candyman... I've got it!
/ Calls Tony Todd.
Scenario II: Michael McDowell writes "Beetle Juice"
McDowell: Betelgeuse. It's a star. Or a planet or something. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse betelgeuse beetle juice. I've got it!
/ Calls Michael Keaton
Scenario III: David Hare writes "The Reader"
Hare: The Reader. It's a guy who reads. Or a girl. A dude probably. The reader. Reader reader reader. I've got it!
/ Writes a very different movie from the one that's out right now.
/ Calls Ralph Fiennes
Aaaand scene.
...
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