Friday, August 7, 2009

I have a totally original idea

So, remember when I first stopped working, lo so many ages ago, and I told you all about how I'm a job-aholic and I was having a hard time with all the free time on my hands, and I was looking forward to starting school and having stuff to do and all that?


I have my first meeting with the "research team" this afternoon at one o'clock, and I have to get dressed in real clothes and be a certain place at a certain time and not pick my nose or stare off into space thinking about flying monkeys and how cool it would be if I had some as pets, and it all strikes me as more than a little fascist. If I have to be at a meeting at one o'clock, then I can't eat my lunch out on the picnic table, because the shade doesn't reach that table until at least 1:30. And if I have to stay at the meeting and not just leave whenever I want, then I'm in danger of wanting ice cream and not being able to have it within five minutes.

All in all it inspired me to come up with a really brilliant idea that I can't believe no one else has ever considered. I think someone should pay me to do nothing. I could just get a paycheck every two weeks, and I'd even be willing to pay the normal taxes and social security and all that, I just wouldn't be obligated to do anything particular in exchange.

I'm going to go google around and see if I can find this kind of position. I'm thinking terms like "money for nothing" and "pay me to sit on my couch" and "pay for no performance" should do it, right? It's a bit of a time crunch, because ideally I need to have something lined up before I blow off my one o'clock meeting.



  1. Yeah, I'm trying really hard to feel sorry for you. As I sit at my office and work.

    But I'm wearing workout clothes and no shoes, so I guess I don't have it all that bad.

  2. It was really awful. I had to sit still and concentrate on something that wasn't the Harry Potter movie for more than two hours straight.

  3. government job. pretty much the same thing.

  4. Whoa whoa whoa. I worked for the "government," and I had to not only show up and wear clothes, I sometimes even had to concentrate and try hard. Apparently I chose the wrong branch.